I happen to have my babies at the right time of year. The just right time of year that they are a pumpkin for Halloween.
It takes finding a big, tall pumpkin that you can hollow out just right. Then it takes both parents to carefully slide her into the pumpkin. I tried to have the kids help carve the pumpkin but they looked inside only to say eww.
On Monday Rose is going to kindergarten. She is not the first child to start school and will not be the last but for me and Tom having our first child start school is a big day.
I am excited to see what she will become, who will become her friends, and what about learning excites her the most. At at the same time I am terrified. What happens if no one wants to be her friend, what if learning is too hard, what if the school bullies target her. It is true when they say having a kid is like wearing your heart out side your chest.
I wish I could relive the past five years because on Monday it just won’t be the same with her gone.
I like being creative but a blank page makes me so nervous. Don’t get me started on how much an actual real-grown-up-artist-approved notebook makes me feel. It will sit unused for years because I don’t want to ruin it with drawing something ugly.
To avoid these feelings I have found doodling in a regular spiral notebook helps me move past the block of fear. The fact that it cost me a dollar or two makes it easier to create a master piece or piece of crap.
Recently I have enjoyed drawing the kids requests on a butcher paper roll. I draw the outline and then let them color it in. It usually doesn’t come out the greatest but I have two requirements for this creativity.
1- The drawing keeps them and me entertained.
2- They are proud of what they thought up and colored.
If anyone has these two simple goals for being creative it takes the pressure of making master pieces off.
Learning new things is not pretty.
Right now Rose is learning how to swim. It is not graceful. Some people would think her falling in the water means that she is drowning. But I am proud of her because she does not care about anything but learning how to kick with straight legs.
So as I sit here at this swimming lesson in hot Vegas summer day I wonder to myself -Why is it ok to make a huge flop doing new things when we are children but as adults we expect it to be perfect right out the gate. So maybe I need to make more messes and even fail a little while learning new things.